Just About Me

So I guess I should start right at the begining, my name is Loretta Anne Stevens, but please call me Lori/Retta whatever suits you. I'm 16 years old, was born Novemeber 11th 1993 so i'm nearly 17. I'm the middle child in my family, I have an older sister Daniella who is 20 and a younger sister Isobella who is 14. In my parents eyes they are both perfect and can't be faulted in every aspect of their lives. I guess because of that I gave up trying to win my parents attention and love. Daniella was always excelling at school, or had amazing boyfriends, Isobella was always doing something earlier or better than what I did. It was hard to compete so I gave up. My grades dropped and I no longer cared what people thought, didn't think about my actions and what could happen. I never really fitted into one crowd at school, I mixed and meshed between half a dozen and truely never had a big group of friends. I'd rather hang with the guys, then a group of bitchy girls who could only care about what they looked like and hung off their football player boyfriends. It just wasn't me at all. I guess that makes me a misfit cheerleader as well. I love cheerleading, the thrill of being the flyer and tossed into the air, relying on your team to catch you. I guess because of that I have always been over trusting an never had trust issues. Probably should have been a little bit more cautious, espiecally when it came to James Carlos Slailati.I met him when I was 13 years old.  He was the complete bad boy / joker. The kind that made you go weak at the knees. He flashed his smiles and all the girls seemed to feel the butterflies in their stomachs. I became friends with girls who were friends with his friends and slowly we became closer. His jett black hair highlightered his mysterious, yet devious personality. He seemed to always have a following of someone and always was going somewhere to do something. I never seemed to have a 'crush' on him, I know many did though. He dropped out of school last year and in January he asked me out. I guess I was fitting in with his sort of crowd and I loved the feeling that I was being loved. He wasn't your typical boyfriend, didn't say I love you, buy flowers or do cute gestures. He was always with his 'boys' casuing trouble, drinking it up or smoking. But he was my boyfriend, he made me feel speical like someone cared for me, even though I was always blown off for the better opinion which was usually a night of binge drinking and hot girls. Then there are my two best friends Ashlee and Carla  I love them to death and they know all my secret, fears and the frist ones I call when i'm in trouble. But it didn't really go as planned this time. I mean I really thought I loved James and it was something about the thrill of the 'unknown' when we had sex. He didn't pressure me, but I did feel I had to do it. I guess it got me to here. I'm now pregnant, 11 weeks 2 days. I found out on September 6th an went to the doctors 3 days later to have it confirmed that I was indeed 6 weeks 4 days pregnant. I don't really know what to make of it all. To think of myself. I'm ashamed and scared, so many emotions and feelings I have right now. I hid my pregnancy until I into my 9th week, in all honesty it wasn't too hard to hide it from my parents they don't take much notice of me. The first people I told were Ashlee and Carla, they actually suspected something was up as I hadn't been out nor drinking in a week or two and started questioning me. I cried and let it all out. first there faces were blank, a look of confusion, horror and scaredness. But they have been nothing but understanding and supportive since then. Telling my parents was hard, I had no idea how they would react. They just looked at me, didn't say much, make a scene. Just went on everyday life. it annoyed me so much, I just wanted them to make a scene do something tell me how they feel. Now after many conversations I know they are going to support me and our relationship is getting better it will never be as good as it is with my sisters. Telling James was the hardest, mainly because I didn't know what I wanted from him. Now that i'm pregnant looking at our relationship I just see how bad it really is and how broken and I don't love him, I don't know if I even like him now looking back. He never showed he cared I mean when I found out I was pregnant I stayed away from him, and he didn't once call, text or even check on me. For all he knew I could have been dead. When I told him I expect him to blow up, and he did. He yelled and called me every name under the sun. In the end he told me he wanted nothing to do with either of us. So now here I am. I'm going to be a mom in a matter of months and i'm on a course to find myself, be a better person and give my beautiful baby. I'm scared and not sure how it's all going to work out but all I know is i'm trying my best to give my child the est chance in life.