My Choice

I have made so many mistakes during 2010 and I have made 2011 about fixing it. I'm 17 and pregnant, my baby will be here in May, if not earlier, I’m single and the father wants nothing to do with me or the baby. It's been the hardest few months of my life, my head telling me one thing, my heart the other. I have cried too many tears to count, it's the hardest choice I have had to make, but now I don't think making it is going to be the hardest part, being able to follow through is going to be terrible. I have tossed up in my mind and on paper for endless hours and it's only been the past few days I have come to the conclusion I’m not ready to be a mom. Not at this point in my life, sure I could give my child a home, food we are not short on money, but I don't think I could be a parent. I'm not ready for that, I’m not saying I don't love my baby. I do, but he/she deserves more than what I am. I'm not emotionally ready, I’m a single mom and it's not fair on them. They deserve a better life, with parents who can love them, care for them and are ready to be parents. I don't want my child to suffer for my mistakes. Needless to say from the above I’m putting my child up for adoption. I'm meeting with the agency tomorrow to get some profiles on couples, and then my mom and I are going to pick the perfect one for my baby. I want an open adoption, so I can receive letters and updates on him/her and even the occasional visit on special occasions. I don't want to be there all the time and I know the parents won't want that either, I need to be able to move on and focus on my future or everything I am doing just won't be worth it. I feel at bit at peace having made a choice, the choice let will allow my child to blossom and be given the best chance at life.