Gender?

It's only a few more days until i'm 20 weeks pregnant and I have my untrasound booked and I can also find out the gender then. I don't know if I really want to. I want to, because I think it may make the choice easier. I may feel more of a connection of my baby and find this choice alot easier because i'm still so confused. I don't really have a perference for a certain gender. I know some people do, they want a girl or a boy. I just don't really want a baby. I don't want to find out the gender because i'm scared, it's going to just make everything more real than it already is and my mind will be made up, and i'll have to keep the baby. I don't know so much to think about. I guess i'll just make my mind up on the day...