Adoptions Vs Keeping it

My head is plauged with constant thoughts of what my life would  be like as a teen mom, as a single mom at 17 years old. I wish I could go back in time and take back everything, take back the last few years of my life, just re-do them. Change my ways and live and make everything worthwhile. But the truth is I can't, I can't take anything back this is my life now. I'm so miserable, there hasn't been a night in the last 3 months where I haven't gone to sleep without crying. I'm not myself, I don't smile anymore, i'm not eating and if I am it's just junk food. I don't talk to my friends anymore. I'm isolated in my own little world. My mom and I are fighting all the time over whats going to happen with this baby. I feel nothing towards it, I feel like i'm just getting fat, or that it's a terrible sickness that isn't going away. Looking back as terrible as it sounds I wish I had an abortion. I can't handle it all. I'm scared that if I pick adoption in some strange turn of events I won't be able to do it, how can I look at my baby every few months and see him/her calling someone else mommy? Then a closed adoption, to never see or hear my childs voice again, I don't think I could live like that. Then on the other side, keeping the baby. I can't even begin to think about how hard it will be. Who much of my life will be put on hold. I don't think i'm ready for it, I don't think I can do it. I don't know how people do it, how can one person be so strong? How can a teenager be expected to care for a whole other life? I just don't know. I'm so scared about everything thats happening to me.