Updates 14 - 16 weeks

I can't believe i'm not 16 weeks pregnant. It's all happening so fast i'm not prepared for all this yet! I know I have been lacking in updates the past few weeks but I have just been so busy with school, parents, baby stuff. So the last two weeks have been just hetic. Finally my morning sickness has started to ease off. Mornings are alot easier to get up and go to school now, I don't spend an hour on the bathroom floor just throwing up. My belly and bump and now really visable I 'popped' last week. So now everyone at school can basically tell that i'm pregnant. I have had a few girls come up and offer to support me and talk about it which is really nice but i'm still clearly the outsider. I mean we are all connected by being pregnant or having children but I'm just the different girl I never was one of them, i'm not proud or happy about being pregnant. My mom keeps pushing me to do the teen mom extension program so i can graduate early but I don't think I can be around all pregnant girls all day. I mean most are excitied about becoming a mom. they are picking names talking about buying clothes and what they are doing with the nursery. Most are also still with the father. It just makes everything so complicated. My mom has also been really pushing names and getting everything ready. It's really annoying because I just want to pretend like it's all not happening. The crib arrived last week and is still sitting where the delivery guy dropped it off. I mean most girls would have put it up got all blankets and toys and filled it up. I just feel like when i open it it's going to spell the end of my life. I have thought of a couple of names and I will post them in a seperate post. I am thinkful my mom is pushing me and doing so many things, I mean it needs to be done I just don't want to do it. I know I can't keep putting it off this pregnancy isn't being put off. I also had my birthday at the begining of the month. i was going to blog but didn't have much to say. I just felt like crap. I saw relatives who I hadn't told the news to yet. Well my mom had and all i got was stuff for thee baby. So it didn't even feel like my birthday. Everyone seems to be more positive than I am, saying everythign will be fine and will work out. I just can't see anything working out. I can't seemmyself rasing a baby and being happy. I don't want to give up my life for this baby. It's not fair for me or this baby that i'm feeling like this. When i tell someone they just tell me to put it up for adoption, I can't do that either. I feel selfish and horrible. I'm twisted and confused. My mind flips to one thing then flops back. How can i be expetced to care for another life? Also an update on James. My mom said we neededd to file for child support, we have given him enough time to come around and he hasn't. So we went over to his parents house to tell them about it and they got the shock of their lives because he hadn't even told them I was pregnant let alone it was his baby. They had heard things about me being pregnant and asked him but he just didn't answer. They were mad and disappointed in both of us. But they said they wanted to be in the childs life as it is there grandchild even if James isn't. I don't know how I feel about that truely. They also asked not to file child support right away that they would help out with expenses and also talk to James and try to get him to step up and deal with it. It just adds to the drama. I don't want him half back in my life thinking he can see his child but leave whenever he wants as well. My life just contuines to get complicated!